Sunny Mornings
by Jadxia78
Summary: Sunnydale's first morning show hits the air with a pair of hosts as unique as the town. Start your morning off right with Buffy(bot) and Clem! (If you're looking for a laugh or you're just curious, take a peek. . . you know you want to )
1. Welcome!

Title: Sunny Mornings  
  
Author: Jadxia78  
  
Summary: Sunnydale's first morning show hits the air with a pair of hosts as unique as the town. Start your morning off right with Buffy(bot) and Clem! (You know you're curious( )  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Feedback: Is there anyone that doesn't go "Yay!! Review!! Woohoo!!" ???  
  
Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going. You have no idea how flattered I'd be.  
  
Legal stuff: Joss is the genius; I'm just a lowly minion writing fanfic.  
  
Spoilers - None really, I think there's one joke that refers to S7 but its not spoilery. Other than that, the story only references up to early S6.  
  
Ships: S/B, W/T, and X/A friendly, but no bashing of any ships.  
  
Author's Note: This is set during the summer between Seasons 5 & 6 when Buffy-bot was filling in for Buffy. I know Clem wasn't introduced until Life Serial but please bear with me and consider this a bit AU. At least I've tried to keep it within the realm of a plausible AU. I also threw in a few surprise guests. Normally I hate stories that ignore continuity but with so many loveable Buffyverse characters it's hard to say no to them when they give you those big puppy dog eyes, begging to be written in, even if you have to let their other friend in too. Of course they promise to give you Spike but do they ever deliver him? No! I'd settle for a Spike-bot but alas, no luck. Rant done.  
  
Dedication: For chi-zu, not much I can do to help but I hope this gets a smile. ________________________________________________________________________  
  
Sunny Mornings  
  
It was 6:54am in Sunnydale and as the night shift residents finished dragging home their kills and the day shift munched on whole-grain cereals, Studio A of the small television station was in barely restrained chaos mode.  
  
"More make-up! Cover the wrinkles!"  
  
"They don't make enough for that!"  
  
"Where's the coffee?"  
  
"Where's the intern?"  
  
"Give that girl decaf! Nothing else or you answer to my ulcer!"  
  
Today was the first day of the new local morning show in Sunnydale. A lot was at stake on all sides; if this failed, more than the hosts might be looking for a job. It was an ambitious project for a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale, even if it had been growing in recent years.  
  
The hosts themselves were sitting in their oversized, overstuffed green chairs behind a small mahogany and glass coffee table. Another chair stood empty next to the girl, and beyond sight, a fourth chair was waiting to be quickly pulled out if the need called for it. Right now it was just the two of them, and of course the buzzing of very nervous bees all around them.  
  
"Hey! Muffy! Make sure you follow the teleprompter; we don't need extra "color."  
  
The girl frowned and a slight bewildered pout slipped in. "My name is Buffy and I slay vampires while wearing stylish shoes of many colors. My witty remarks are a part of my calling. I have been programmed with many knock- knock jokes. Would you like to hear some?"  
  
"NO!!!!" came the chorus from the entire studio, including the caterers bearing donuts.  
  
Buffy-bot was quite upset that no one seemed to want to hear her knock- knock jokes. Perhaps she would need to try harder in the future to make people listen, even if they did run away screaming like a girl, like her good friend Xander had, who is a carpenter.  
  
Seeing her frown, her co-host leaned over and patted her on the arm reassuringly. "It's okay, don't let them get to you. Your jokes are funny but this isn't a good time. Studios are bad places for knock-knock jokes. You're welcome to try them out on me over lunch." The demon in a blue suit smiled at her comfortingly.  
  
Buffy-bot smiled and patted her friend on the head in return, careful not to hit his floppy ears. "Thank you very much Clem. I am fortunate to have good demon friends; your abs aren't as good as Spike's, but you are very nice."  
  
"Thanks! Hey, you know I did try Spike's Ab Master, but you know how touchy he gets when anybody asks to borrow it." The demon shrugged. "As for the jokes. anything for my colleague." Clem gave her a warm smile.  
  
The bot grinned, "Yes, I am a colleague. I am a co-worker. I work. I take care of Dawn. She is my sister."  
  
".And a lovely sister she is. Do you remember the things that Giles and Willow and Dawn told you not to talk about today?" Clem asked cautiously.  
  
"Of course I do." She smiled.  
  
"Such as?"  
  
The bot frowned and a worried pout slipped in. "If I tell you what they told me not to talk about then I would be talking about it. Yet if I don't tell you, I am being evasive and a bad friend. A slayer should not be evasive unless fighting, or in a car with Xander while Anya is driving. Then he yells "Evasive Maneuvers!" all the time. I try to, but I can never get away from the evil seatbelt restraints." The last bit she whispered to him conspiratorially.  
  
Clem chose to ignore the derailed, or at least detoured train of thought, and to simply smile and accept that she would avoid the banned topics as best she could. They'd tried to completely take the word vampire out of her vocabulary but some parts of her personality program couldn't be changed. At the very least, there was nothing that could be done now. They'd be on any minute.  
  
With hardly a minute to go the make-up artists did one more round. They sighed in defeat while looking at Clem but fortunately didn't need to do anything with Buffy. They'd remarked right from the start that she seemed to have make-up permanently part of her skin. They had thought they'd be free of touch-up duties on this easy assignment. that is until they saw Clem show up for the first screen test. Some of them had threatened to resign. Others had insisted their names not be on the credits.  
  
All too soon people were stepping away from the stage area and beginning to tiptoe as Rolaids were pulled out by some and rosaries by others.  
  
5.4.3.2...1.  
  
"Showtime"  
  
  
  
In the Summers home an anxious crowd circled the TV. This was a big morning and everyone was too nervous to have breakfast.  
  
Xander paced back and forth, barely missing part of Spike's coat that sat folded neatly next to the vampire. Instead of moving the coat closer, Spike simply shot him a withering glare that finally penetrated the blank look of panic on Xander's face. Carefully, Xander altered his trajectory and started to wear a new path in the floor.  
  
"Tell me again why we're doing this? Why we're letting it go through with this?" Xander nervously scratched the back of his head and looked quickly around the room, more for reassurance than an actual answer.  
  
Willow sighed, something she'd been doing a lot of this morning. "Because Sweetie, the world needs to be convinced that Buffy's still here. you know, so the demons don't go all Mardi Gras on us?" She'd wriggled her fingers in the air on the last part but then put them in her lap before continuing. "Making it look like she has a normal job will help." She shrugged. "At least, hopefully it will help."  
  
Tara gave Xander a sympathetic look. "It'll be okay, the Producer we ran into at the café checked out. He wasn't a demon and that truth spell we did seemed to show he didn't have any ulterior motives. other than hoping you might go out with him."  
  
Xander seized the opportunity. "See! That proves it. Nobody is attracted to me that isn't a demon, or a monster, or something!" Xander stood puffed with doomed certainty.  
  
Anya shot him a glare. "Hey!"  
  
Xander's brain went into overdrive. ".Or maybe beautiful, intelligent, ex- demons with an excellent choice in men."  
  
Anya smiled back at him but it held a note of warning at the same time. The air of doom hanging over the crowd reminded her of apocalypse season and she wished she could do something to help because it was making her edgy too, not to mention distracting Xander. Perhaps now was a good time to practice some of that reassurance thing Xander had been lecturing about lately. She struggled to come up with something that would work. "At least they're going to pay her pretty well." There were nods all around. "Plus with the insurance running out and the bills piling up we don't have a lot of options here people unless we can get Dawn to pay us for all the food we buy her."  
  
Dawn shrunk down in her spot on the floor next to Spike. As much as he normally liked Anya, he still let out a soft growl towards her as he hesitatingly reached to put an arm around the teen protectively, before pulling it back.  
  
Giles sighed wearily as he got up to head to the kitchen. After nearly 6 years fighting vampires and apocalypses, plus serving as a referee for these children, he sometimes wondered which had made him feel so much older than he was. On his way to the kitchen he once again offered his own token reassurance as he gestured vaguely towards the TV with glasses in hand. "If the Blue Man Group can make a living in the public eye, then those two should have a good chance as well. Besides, if we're going to keep her running for years on end we need to let her. it. make a life for itself."  
  
With Giles retreating to the kitchen, Anya quiet, and the others distracted by their anxiety Spike finally patted Dawn on her shoulder cautiously while trying to ignore the rest of the soap opera in the living room. He waited nervously for the commercials to end and the show to start. Getting Clem had been his idea. On the surface at least, the bot would look normal compared to the co-host with a "skin condition." Clem could be counted on to cover for the bot as best as possible and his mere presence would automatically deepen the denial levels of the Sunnydale viewers.  
  
Surprisingly, the image-obsessed producers had liked Clem from the start. It took some convincing, but his easy-going manner and talents at small talk had impressed them sufficiently. The winning argument had finally come down to image though. With Clem on board, the producers seemed to think they could demonstrate openness to more walks of life. Too bad they didn't realize just how many walks of life there really were. One must admire the depths of denial in SunnyHell, Spike thought.  
  
As much as he hoped this plan would work, it was hard watching this pale mockery of the woman he loved take over her life. He still had trouble looking the thing in the eye. He couldn't bring himself to hate it though, couldn't bring himself to feel much of anything besides a hollow ache for months now. He hoped this worked. for Dawn's sake if nothing else. This better work he thought while fingering the cigarette in his pocket.  
  
Giles was the last to join the crowd sitting in the living room, having retrieved what would probably be only his first scotch of this most likely VERY-long morning. He sipped it cautiously, this bloody well better work he thought.  
  
  
  
Doris sipped her morning coffee as she got ready for work. This was just her first cup of the day but it was one of her favorites since she had the chance to sit down and enjoy it. She'd always been an early riser and there was nothing she loved better than to relax, drink her coffee, and watch some morning TV. The smell alone helped her slip into work mode as the aroma whispered of normality. Most mornings she watched the Today Show with her coffee, but today none of the guests interested her so she decided to see what else was on.  
  
While going through the channels she stopped on an intro to a new show on Sunnydale. Of course, she'd read about it in the paper but she'd forgotten it was starting today. She'd heard there was something strange about the male co-host. As the camera panned up to the hosts during the intro music Doris couldn't help but feel her eyes bulge. The article certainly hadn't been joking about a skin condition. If she didn't know better. she'd almost think he didn't look human. Of course, that was silly of her. Such a thought was hardly befitting a professional like herself. Doris sipped her coffee, drawing comfort from it. She couldn't help but think how nice it was to see people on TV who weren't models. although the girl looked like she could have been.  
  
  
  
As the camera lights blinked on Buffy-bot and Clem put on their brightest smiles.  
  
"Good morning Sunnydale!" chirped the bot.  
  
Clem took the next line. ".And welcome to Sunny Mornings, your new local morning show that will feature news, in-depth interviews with your favorite local personalities, weather, perhaps some home and garden tips, and just plain good conversation. or so we hope at least!"  
  
They'd both gotten quite good at reading the cue cards during rehearsals, although it took several tries for Buffy-bot to get a "natural" tone to her voice when reading them. Once Willow suggested that she consider them as plain text in her speech queue, she'd quickly improved.  
  
Clem took the lead with the news segment, alternately addressing Buffy and the camera. "So, I was reading in the paper this morning that Senator Lott apologized for his remarks. Unfortunately for him though, it doesn't look like he's going to be able to get out of this one."  
  
Buffy-bot smiled confidently. "Oh! If he apologized then everything's okay."  
  
Clem shook his head and dangling ears along with it. "Unfortunately Hallmark doesn't seem to make "I'm-sorry-for-endorsing-a-former- segregationist-presidential-candidate cards." He shrugged. "But hey. they're probably always looking for new lines of greeting cards" he suggested cheerfully.  
  
The next topic on the cue cards was Buffy-bot's to introduce. She looked directly at the camera as she began. "Speaking of the paper, I was just reading it this morning too when I saw that President Bush has hired new economic advisors." She smiled at the camera when she was done, waiting patiently as the nice man holding the cue cards fumbled to get the next one in place.  
  
It was at that point that she reached a mistake by the person who'd written the cue card. He couldn't have known it was a large mistake, after all, he was just an intern with a marker. He couldn't have known the level of trauma about to be inflicted on Revello Drive.  
  
The next card simply had a notation in brackets, your comment. Thus, when she reached that point she brightened at the chance to include her own opinion.  
  
"It's good that the President is changing his advisors and looking at new options. Bad advisors mean bad advice. Bad advice means less money for other people. My friend Anya explained to me that that is very, very bad" she finished with a grave tone.  
  
Clem tried to hide his panic at where this might lead and hoped for the best. He couldn't help but try to think of potential covers though as the bot continued.  
  
"Less money means I need to work so I can take care of my sister. Her name is Dawn. She is expensive. She can eat an entire $20 pizza with extra toppings in half an hour."  
  
  
.Back at the Summers home Dawn hid her face in her hands. When the voice continued to list her "expenses" she used her hands to cover her ears while thudding her head against the wall beside her. Summer, not too late to move to another school district, preferably in another state she thought. But for now she'd have to settle for thud. thud.thud. as her only course of action. Spike gingerly patted her left shoulder reassuringly.  
  
Anya looked over at Dawn and frowned. "What? I've seen you do it too. As far as wasting money goes, it's rather. impressive." She'd never liked false platitudes but for Xander's sake (and okay, Dawn's) she hoped she could be helpful.  
  
Xander was sitting on the couch next to her and couldn't help but grimace. He squeezed his fiancé's hand gently and looked from Anya to Dawn. "Don't worry Dawnmeister, the kids at your school would never wake up this early during the summer. The only people you know who heard that are in this room. and we'll be sworn to secrecy."  
  
Dawn looked up at him then Anya doubtfully.  
  
Xander shrugged. "Hey! Secrecy is a Scooby-specialty, along with weirdness, and you know how good we are at that. so no worries." Xander finished with an overly enthusiastic chuckle.  
  
  
  
Back in the studio the bot decided to cut short her list of Dawn expenses. "I love Dawn. Our mother is dead but I take good care of my sister."  
  
Clem finally found his voice and interrupted gently. "Of course you do Buffy, she's a sweet girl and while raising a teenager has never been easy, it's particularly hard for many families in these tough economic times."  
  
Spotting one of the producers tapping his watch off-camera, Clem tried to refocus. "Wow! That was quick, folks. We have to go to commercial right now but stay with us and we'll be back soon to an entertainment issue that begs the ever-present question for parents in today's society, 'do you know what your kids are watching?'"  
  
  
  
As everyone on set breathed a collective sigh at the break, three figures huddled together finalizing their plans on one of the auxiliary sets just behind the main one.  
  
"Pointer?" the tallest one asked.  
  
"Check." Said the shortest.  
  
"I don't know about this. what if she recognizes me?" the blonde one whined.  
  
"Don't be a frelling thodo! Duh! You're the only one of us she hasn't met yet, genius!" The tallest one glared at him, reinforcing the dripping sarcasm that had been in his voice all night long.  
  
"Oh yeah." He calmed for a moment. ".But what if she sees my resemblance to Tucker?" He shot out with fresh panic.  
  
Rolled eyes from the two other boys was the only response at first. Finally the tall one spoke. "Oh for crying out loud! I look more like your brother than you do!"  
  
A blonde head nodded, as the boy tried to regain the cool secret super villain look he'd been practicing.  
  
That was when they collectively noticed the quickening pace of the others on the set in preparation for the end of the commercial.  
  
The shortest one shifted from foot to foot. "Oh Smeg! We're almost out of time. Everybody re."  
  
-"You just have to keep bringing that show up don't you! One minute you're going to lend me the tapes until the DVD comes out, the next you're saying your cousin borrowed them. A likely scenario, Whinathon. Warren! He's doing it agai."  
  
-"Oh please! Who was it that destroyed my first edition books with a stupid marker!  
  
Warren cut them both off. "Shut up Frodo! Shut up Dobby!" He hit 'Dobby' over the head for good measure.  
  
"Oww!! You know. mixing those two together is only a disservice to both since they each stand too unique for comparison. It's like calling somebody Picard and somebody else Luke, or." the contemplative look on the blonde's face was cut off sharply as Warren slapped him upside his head again.  
  
"I'll be good," he whispered angelically.  
  
They'd rapidly lost time as the show got ready to rejoin the broadcast. They all stood up as one and turned in different directions to over- casually stretch and wander towards the weather set next door. carefully trying to avoid raising suspicions. From where they were they could see a monitor turned low as the last commercial ended.  
  
"Windex makes it shine!" it proclaimed.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________   
Author's Note Part 2: If anybody noticed the Windex reference to a favorite line by one of the best (and hardest working) posters in Buffy fandom, know that it's meant as a small tribute, not a rip-off. I was trying to think of a fun commercial break and Leoff's classic popped into my head. 


	2. In Entertainment News

Chapter 2 - In Entertainment News.  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1  
  
Clem sat up straight as the cameras flicked back on. Gathering his pages on the coffee table and tapping them quickly he smoothly switched to the next topic. "Now, in entertainment we'd like to discuss the growing popularity of anime. This Japanese style of animation has always had a cult following in the U.S. and its popularity just keeps on rising. The audience includes more than young children, some of the most dedicated fans are teenagers and even adults. While most of it is harmless entertainment, some parents have expressed concern at the violent and sexual overtones of some anime cartoons."  
  
Here now to discuss the concerns of those parents who oppose anime is Dr. Rosenberg, a professor at UC Sunnydale who's teaching a course this semester on themes of popular culture among youth." "Dr. Rosenberg, it's good to have you here today."  
  
The pretty middle-aged woman smiled, "it's good to be here."  
  
  
  
Back in the Summers home. Xander turned to Willow in confusion. "Hey Will, why didn't you mention your mom was going to be on the show?"  
  
Willow shrugged and stared at the TV in shock. "I.I. didn't know. We don't exactly talk much. I haven't seen her in almost two years but I think she still thinks I'm living at home." Tara slipped her arm around Willow; she still hadn't met her girlfriend's mother.  
  
Willow appreciated the concern but shrugged. "At least she always pays the bills for school on time, that's sort of like taking an interest."  
  
  
  
Clem looked down at his list of questions and those bulleted for Buffy-bot to read. This segment looked fairly safe.  
  
"So Dr. Rosenberg, I've seen some anime on the Cartoon Network and on Saturday mornings. It all looks pretty harmless. Actually, the artwork seems very impressive. Why do you oppose it?" Clem asked.  
  
Dr. Rosenberg fingered the pearl necklace that complimented her blue sweater set. "Well Clem, the problem is in calling it art while marketing it to children. The animators certainly deserve to be able to express themselves freely but there are proper venues for that, such as galleries. Everyone knows that children watch cartoons, so these animated shows that flaunt scantily-clad and unrealistically-proportioned women, only serve to corrupt young minds with an overly sexualized and often violent view of the world that treats women as objects."  
  
Clem furrowed his brow and it caused a makeup collapse in that area. "I thought the ones aimed at teens were only aired later at night? Surely you don't have a problem with other shows?" Clem frowned. "No offence, but you don't object to 'Sailor Moon', do you?"  
  
Dr. Rosenberg recrossed her legs and took a deep breath for her answer. "Actually, I've recently been working on a paper that explores the sexualization of images of pre-pubescent girls in popular culture. What is particularly troubling with that cartoon is that such girls are not only shown as unrealistically attractive, but they have unrealistic 'super powers' as well. The result is a culture where girls feel they have to be incredibly good looking and fight evil-doers."  
  
-"But wait. what's wrong with that?" Buffy-bot asked innocently.  
  
Clem gulped quietly as Dr. Rosenberg turned to the (until then) quiet co- host.  
  
"Well, no girl can live up to that." She answered simply.  
  
"Why?" the bot asked tilting her head to the side sharply.  
  
Dr. Rosenberg paused, unsure of how to answer.  
  
Clem started to sweat, along with the viewers at the Summers house. Doris merely continued sipping her coffee and wondered where this conversation would go.  
  
The bot leaned forward in her chair as her tone became confident. "Girls can be very good fighters. I am a good fighter. I protect people, like my sister. Her name is Dawn."  
  
  
  
Back at the Summers home.  
  
Dawn rubbed her temples and wondered if she was too young to get migraines. "I swear, if she says my name one more time on air I'm going to disown her" she ground out through clenched teeth. She'd been on extra good behavior all summer, trying to help the others and fulfill her promise to Buffy, but right now the teenager was near a breaking point.  
  
Giles rubbed his exceptionally spotless glasses. "Don't be silly Dawn, you can't do that."  
  
Dawn shook her head, "Maybe not, but I can creatively dismantle her".  
  
"You don't know how, Dawnie" Willow chimed in.  
  
Dawn tried to remind herself that the bot was doing this to help her, but all she could think about was what her classmates might say. for the next forever after this. "I don't know." She shrugged. "A sledgehammer worked pretty well on Mr. Beck's computer."  
  
The others looked at her, cautiously concerned.  
  
"My English teacher tried to install Linux. Those two. not very mixy."  
  
Nervous glances traveled the room.  
  
"Just kidding" Dawn said quietly, with a forced chuckle while shifting her eyes around the room. She absently wondered if she could lift that troll hammer thing and still be able to swing it.  
  
  
  
Back at the station.  
  
Dr. Rosenberg frowned. "Of course I'm not saying that women aren't capable of defending themselves. I'm sure you'll agree however that you wouldn't want to set an example for your sister that violence is the solution to problems?"  
  
The bot returned the frown. "Witty comebacks are also good."  
  
Dr. Rosenberg smiled. "So you agree, talking and even humor are good ways to diffuse a situation."  
  
Again the bot frowned but this time she added a head tilt. "But sometimes you have to fight." Suddenly a fresh gleam sparkled in her eyes. "Evil- doers need to be stopped, unless they're sexy, evil fiends wearing leather."  
  
A moment of perfect silence invaded the set. although Clem could have sworn he heard crickets somewhere.  
  
Clem took the opportunity that Dr. Rosenberg's lack of a comeback offered. "Of course, that's a good point. There certainly is evil in the world that must be stopped. Perhaps girls are being empowered, not objectified?"  
  
"Well. perhaps, but I still believe that current trends in anime are very troubling. My organization will continue to spread awareness of it." Dr. Rosenberg tried to pull back her composure and hide her embarrassment at the cracks in her argument. She wasn't sure, but she thought she'd seen this girl before. She might be a friend of her daughters, and she seemed to remember something about a fire and a lot of other people, maybe it had been a cookout. but it was hard to pin it down.  
  
Clem looked down at his bulleted list again. Suddenly he realized he'd missed one of the items.".and what is the name of your organization again?"  
  
Dr. Rosenberg smiled; finally, she'd get to accomplish this part at least. "It's MAA, Mothers Against Anime."  
  
She didn't like how the interview was ending so she struggled to come up with a closer. "At the very least, we hope that we'll be able to fix some of these problematic elements of anime as it is currently marketed."  
  
Buffy-bot, ever desiring to be helpful, added one last comment. "I have a friend who can help with problems. Willow fixes me. she's gay!"  
  
  
  
Back at the Summers home. Willow choked on her Country Time lemonade. Tara patted her back, anxious to help. All eyes turned to the witches. "At least she finally knows" Willow managed to get out as she fought to get the lemonade out of her windpipe.  
  
Tara turned quickly back to the screen, if possible, more nervous than Willow even to hear the reaction. She unknowingly clenched a fistful of fabric from her girlfriend's sweater.  
  
  
  
Dr. Rosenberg was speechless. Now that she thought about it, she was sure this girl was a friend of Willow's, at least briefly. She wasn't sure, but she'd thought that friend's name had been Betty or something. Her mind slowly struggled to reconcile what she'd just heard.  
  
"Of course, being happy and having a positive attitude, like my daughter has, is always good for addressing a problem."  
  
Buffy-bot frowned, she wasn't sure Dr. Rosenberg had understood her. "Willow fixes me. And she is gay. But yes, Tara says they make each other very happy. Xander says thinking about how they make each other happy gives him a happy."  
  
Dr. Rosenberg's jaw dropped, but otherwise she just stared at the blonde co- host as the truth started to dawn on her. Perhaps she should call her daughter. It had been awhile since they'd spoken, it seemed like weeks. She wanted to make sure she supported her daughter's stand as much as possible.  
  
Clem used the enormously awkward silence to quickly wrap things up. "Thank you Dr. Rosenberg for joining us."  
  
"It was a pleasure to be here." The woman managed to get out as she reached for her bag with her cell phone in it. She was surprised when she realized the number for her daughter that she had programmed in was out of service. Maybe it had been more than a few weeks.  
  
Thankfully it was now time for a commercial and as the director gave the signal everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
  
  
Back at the Summers' home.  
  
Giles poured another scotch.  
  
Spike came close to a laugh but settled on a snort and raised eyebrow in Harris's direction.  
  
Anya went to smack Xander, but withdrew her hand as she thought about something.  
  
Xander stared at his shoes and tried to shrink into the couch. He flinched, expecting a blow from Anya, but instead she whispered something in his ear that made him sit up at attention and smile before blushing as he tried to avoid the eyes of the witches.  
  
Looking at those two, Dawn tried not to laugh, and failed. She cut herself off though to smile reassuringly at Willow and Tara.  
  
The witches looked at each other cautiously, it certainly hadn't been as bad as they might have thought. Willow sighed in partial relief as Tara stroked the back of her hand. At least the first hurdle was over. She'd looked shocked, but not angry-shocked. They could deal with it together.  
  
  
  
Across town, Doris used the commercial to look over her agenda for the day. That certainly had been an interesting topic. She'd liked the way the girl had challenged the expert. Perhaps this would be more interesting than her usual shows. She regretted missing the last minute or two as she rinsed out her mug. She hoped she hadn't missed anything. 


	3. Now For Some Weather

Chapter 3 - Now For Some Weather  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1  
  
*Author's Note 3: I've noticed that some of my punctuation has been changed in the uploading process. This is the first time I've tried posting a story written in MS Word for MAC so I'm guessing it's related to that. Fortunately it doesn't seem too distracting. I'll try to resolve it before I post another story. In the meantime, if you see periods where there should clearly be commas or dots to show a trailing thought, they're not intentional. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Once they'd come back from break it was time for the weather segment and the mini-set next door had already been brought to life in anticipation. It wasn't much really, just a platform, green screen, monitor, and cameras. Buffy-bot grinned over at the blonde boy who was nervously waving his pointer in front of the empty screen and watching the projected map on the monitor.  
  
"Now it's time to check on the weather! Let's see what great surprises." (She refocused her optic sensors to zoom in on the crossed out name and marker replacement on the cue card). Xavier has in store!"  
  
  
  
Two figures shuffled nervously off-camera. "You think she suspects?" Jonathon asked cautiously.  
  
"Nah." She may be the slayer but she's not that bright anyway. I should know. I made a robot copy of her once, didn't bother putting much brains in and luckily there wasn't a need. It's not like that stupid vampire was actually paying me," he grumbled. "I figured gathering Intel on her here might not turn up much but it was worth a shot. Still. serious loomas on that one that's for sure!"  
  
His companion nodded uncomfortably but tilted his head as he took in the host. "Yeah, she's pretty hot. but you really should have seen the twins." He said fondly  
  
"Will you shut up about the twins already? It's not like they'd even return your calls you know."  
  
Jonathon sighed as he refocused on Andrew/Xavier, who seemed to have frozen in place. That's not good. He thought.  
  
  
Andrew knew the camera was on and he knew he should be saying something. He'd had this all planned out. He'd just have to pretend he was doing this in his head and it should all come out right.  
  
*'Join me now, gentle viewers, as we check in on our volatile and turbulent Sunnydale weather'.*  
  
"Join me now, uhhh... gentle viewers, as we go to the turbulent, I mean check in with the volatile weather. Here on the Hellmou. he...he... I mean let's check on the Sunnydale weather together shall we?" he finished lamely but managing to avoid squeaking.  
  
*'Ah! Yes, I see now that we can expect some fiery storm clouds from the West that will overtake the soft glow of seeming Spring.'*  
  
"Ah! Yes, I see now that we can expect some storm clouds from the West. which from this obviously faulty map seem to have umm... vanished."  
  
*Andrew suavely crossed his arms James Bond style before letting them casually drop to his sides*  
  
Andrew clutched his arms across his chest in an effort to do something with them, accidentally jamming the pointer into his left cheek before quickly dropping his arms. He absentmindedly scratched his other left cheek with the hand at his side while shifting from foot to foot.  
  
*'So in conclusion, my friends, be watchful of every step you take outside your door tonight despite the seeming tranquility of the weather. For out there lurk dangers you could not possibly comprehend. For if there can be violence even on idyllic Risa, who are we to expect less?'*  
  
"So, in conclusion, my friends. The weather appears to be nicer, than originally thought. but umm. remember to always bring an umbrella and you know. expect danger. For if there can be violence even on idyllic Risa, who are we to expect less?"  
  
"Back to you Buffy and Clem!" He added brightly for lack of anything else.  
  
The moment the camera was off him he darted for the exit with Warren and Jonathon close behind. "Do you think the VCRs recorded alright?" he shouted over his shoulder once they were safely outside and running to the van.  
  
Jonathon rolled his eyes, which of course couldn't be seen by Andrew. "Of course they did butt-monkey, what are the odds that two VCRs hooked up to two different cable networks would go out?"  
  
  
  
As they reached the van the boys caught their breath as they realized they hadn't been followed. Warren waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Yeah, we got the preliminary surveillance Intel on the slayer that we wanted. We can go over the tapes later."  
  
As Andrew leaned up proudly against the side of the van he let out an unpracticed smirk. "Good then. that means I'm the first of us to get on TV!"  
  
With that, he opened up the van door and climbed in, closing it behind him on his silent partners in evil. He'd finally gotten the last word. 


	4. Revenge of the Kittens

Chapter 4 - Revenge of the Kittens Disclaimer: See Chapter 1  
  
________________________________________________________________________   
  
Clem had stared at the boy along with most of the people there before he ran off at the end of the segment. He could have sworn the weather guy was supposed to be older.  
  
It was Buffy-bot's turn to introduce the next segment. "Now that we have good weather to look forward to, we'd like to show you some of the wonderful homeless animals that need homes here in the greater Sunnydale area and Sally, who works at the shelter. Remember to take advantage of this great weather to visit the shelter for yourself."  
  
That was when the handler came out with her arms full of three mewing kittens.  
  
Clem knew it was coming, but he still couldn't help but lick his lips. He'd missed breakfast too.  
  
Sally placed the kittens on the small coffee table and they immediately started trying to climb over each other. They were tiny and after a near fall the handler decided to have them each hold a kitten.  
  
Buffy-bot liked her kitten. It was a little gray tiger kitty that looked up to her with a very confused "mew?" It really didn't know what to make of the smell of this strange creature holding it. It looked up at this new giant and saw lots of white teeth flash brightly. The kitten cautiously scrunched down, deciding not to provoke it as long as it didn't try to provoke her.  
  
Sally stroked her little white kitten as she went on autopilot, delivering the speech about how crowded the shelter was, how much these little ones needed homes, and how people should get their animals spayed or neutered.  
  
Clem only half-heard what Sally said. The little one he was holding was a mixture of white and peach in color with blue eyes. She looked up at him with her over-sized eyes and let out a particularly loud and challenging "Mew!!" Clem hoped his microphone wouldn't pick up his rumbling stomach. He'd been working so hard on his diet change too.  
  
Sally continued talking so Clem didn't really get a chance to quickly hand the kitten back as he'd hoped to. Suddenly his stomach rumbled so hard he could feel most of his body vibrate. Then, as if sensing danger, the little kitten decided to take the offensive. When Clem felt the tiny claws suddenly sink into his skin he couldn't help but yelp. Sally went "awww" and the bot mimicked her.  
  
Clem was getting increasingly annoyed with this little monster as it continued kneading his arm while staring up at him defiantly. The furry little devil knew what it was doing and enjoyed it. It even purred! He tried to focus on Sally's talk when he realized that the pain had stopped, and part of his arm now felt really warm. He started to get worried.  
  
Clem moved his left arm below sight of the coffee table and looked down. There, nestling into the fold of skin where his arm bent was the kitten looking up at him sleepily. Hmmm. this might work. If they forgot about the kitten he might be able to use her as his ante tonight at poker. He was new at the non-kitten diet thing, but so far his willpower had held. He could never give up poker though.  
  
As if sensing his plans the kitten started kneading its tiny claws inside the flap of skin, where it was more sensitive. He couldn't help but wince visibly in response. Clem knew he was really in trouble though when the kitten looked up at him with a dangerous gleam in her blue eyes and something he'd almost swear was a smirk. She then bit down. Hard.  
  
"OWWWW!!!" Clem shouted as he stood up. He straightened his arm and pulled the kitten from the fold, skin going with the tiny claws. She looked up at him with innocent-yet-mischievous eyes, and for the first time he really looked deep into them. That was when he realized that besides the cameras, there was no way he could use this one. Once you really looked them in the eye it was all over. Spike would never let him live this down.  
  
  
  
Back at the Summers house, Spike was laughing so hard that tears were forming in his eyes. The other Scoobs stared at him in confusion. He tried to pull himself together long enough to explain.  
  
"You see, the thing is, with poker. . . and demons. . . well. . . 's a thing." His blue eyes twinkled as he tried to hold off the laughter but it was an impossible fight. He struggled in vain to take in unneeded oxygen.  
  
The blank faces of the others made him want to explain it further, but it had been all he could get out before his entire body shook and wept with exhausted laughter. It had been a long time since he'd laughed this hard, or at all even, and it felt good. If there were any other demon viewers out there this show could do quite well he thought. It might even be able to compete with the croc channel at the bars. and given the growing pool on when that Australian bloke would get dismembered and the order the limbs would go in, that was really saying something.  
  
Dawn gave him an encouraging smile that suggested she didn't quite get what he was laughing at, but that she was happy he was laughing. The others merely looked at him like he'd finally lost his mind. Seeing their faces only made it harder to stop laughing.  
  
Finally, he turned back to the TV to catch the end of the show. After a few exchanged glances of amusement behind him, the other Scooobies turned back to the TV as well. 


	5. Goodbye Everyone!

Chapter 5 - Goodbye Everyone!  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1 _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Back in the studio, Clem started to relax once the tempting and treacherous kittens were gone. The rest of the show went by in a blur. Before long, it was time for their closing.  
  
Clem went first. "I'd like to thank you all for tuning in to our first show. We hope you enjoyed it and that you'll come back for more tomorrow."  
  
Buffy-bot went next. "Yes, thank you for watching. If people watch then I get money and I can take care of my sister. If people don't watch then I won't be able to buy food or clothing for her. She might be forced to work in a factory."  
  
Clem winced, but maybe the guilt-trip would get some viewers to come back. Not much he could do about it now.  
  
"Goodbye everyone!" the bot said cheerfully.  
  
". . . And we hope to see you again for more Sunny Mornings!" Clem finished.  
  
As the cue cards were put down and the lights went out, several people gave each other high-fives. There was much rejoicing that no major disasters had happened. (In this town, 'disaster' had a meaning all it's own.) Clem gave Buffy-bot a quick hug. "You did great, you really did!"  
  
"Thank you Clem, you are a demon, and my friend."  
  
Clem winced again, "just make sure you don't use the 'D-word' here."  
  
Reviewing her earlier conversation log and dialogue protocols the bot frowned. "I didn't say it during the show, did I do something wrong?" she asked.  
  
Clem quickly explained. "You did fine during the show, but just don't say demon on the set, even when we're not taping, do you understand?"  
  
The bot smiled brightly at him. "Sure!" She answered enthusiastically.  
  
Feeling particularly hungry, Clem rubbed his hands together as he focused on the scent coming from the cafeteria next door. "How about we get lunch. I could really use some hot wings and I've been dying to hear some good knock-knock jokes."  
  
  
Doris turned off the TV as she picked up her purse and found her keys. It was time to go to work. She knew she'd be getting some new cases today. Come to think of it, one of the names sounded familiar to her now as she tried to think of it. The name had something to do with a season, but she couldn't remember which one.  
  
As she headed to her car, Doris couldn't help but wish that more of the guardians she evaluated were more like that perky co-host who seemed to care so much about her sister. That thought combined with the image of the nice gentleman with a skin condition trying to fight off the kitten put her in a very good mood on her way to work.  
  
The End.  
  
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Author's Note Part 4:  
  
I meant to add this next bit to an earlier chapter but this story was my first attempt at posting in chapter format and I missed my chance. -If anybody else recognized all the shows the Nerd trio referenced, let me know in a review so I can know I didn't deeply confuse everybody. Sometimes I forget that some people actually have lives.  
  
I'm not planning to continue this story (I started it in December as a favor to my beta, but didn't get around to finishing it until April). However, I might be persuaded if:  
  
1. There are lots of reviews  
  
2. There are suggestions for 3 or more different segments for Sunny Mornings  
  
3. I can wrap a plot around it  
  
Then I might continue. I'm not trying to string people along, I just don't get as much time to write as I'd like to and I'm trying to focus on my other story.  
  
Last thing: Check out my ffn profile for a shameless plug on another story I've been working on.  
  
Thanks! I hope this was somewhat entertaining.  
  
-Jadxia78 


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